Knowing Thyself (Perspective Change)

I have watched him for a month now and as far as I could tell, he seemed to be stable enough. He could accept and adapt to unexpected situations, he is not intransigent.

Ah, he is moving into the REM cycle of sleep. I can finally talk to him now.

With a smile of glee I am unable to keep from my face, I cloak myself with his image and announced myself. "Hello. So I finally get to meet you."

I let myself fade into view and it took a moment of staring before he could find his voice and ask me the question that was undoubtably on his mind. "Who are you?"

"I am you." While that is not exactly true, it is close enough that does not really matter.

"Wha?!"

The expression of bafflement and wide-eyed realization on his face was priceless. I just could not help it, I laughed. "I am you, from another dimension."

I waited a little for him to get used to the idea before I revealing more. "As you may have notice, we are actually in your subconciousness and you are actually asleep."

"You're just a dream?" The look of disappointment on his face made me chuckle.

"No."

"No matter how many times I explain this, it never gets old." I mused aloud. Since a detailed explanation would take too long, I decide to save it for another time. "I'm using a device to send my conciousness into yours so that I can meet myselves."

He seemed to be at a loss for words again, openly staring at me and with his mouth partially open.

"There are so many variations that I dispair of ever meeting us all." I continued, as much to myself as to him.

"Wh.. how are... we? I mean what are we like?" It was a little while before he could get his bearings again but he seemed to be accepting of this, enthusiastically so I believe. This is far better than I had hoped.

"Oh there will never be enough time to discribe us all." I lamented but I proceeded to tell him of some of whom I had met. I told him about those who were of very different ages, beginning with the very young of whom the youngest was an infant and finishing with the story of a great-grandfather.

He seemed to be very accepting of it all, so I decided to test him. "There was one of us who had active psionic abilities, another who was a skilled old shadow warrior and yet another who was military advisor of the country. She was only slightly more accepting of this than you."

"Wow." He replied, a little overwhelmed. But only for a moment, he caught on fast enough. His gaze which had drifted to the ground suddenly snapped back to my face. "Wait. 'She'?"

This is why I have wanted to meet him for so long, he is so naturally funny. I laughed again as I answered him. "Yes, 'she'. Some of us were born female."

"How do we look?" I could not say that I was not expecting the question, I had heard the same query from others before after all. And as such, I had an answer prepared.

"I can only say, not too bad." I had decided to try the cryptic approach to observe his reaction but I was surprised at his silence. It seemed that he was more contemplative than I had allowed for, especially with one arm folded under an elbow and the other under his chin.

"I am sure you have questions for me." I prodded, hoping to initiate the questions I was sure to come.

He asked a question, but it was not a question I had anticipated. I had expected the obvious ones about our female selves but he had surprised me again."Have you spoken with everyone of us this way?"

At this question, I lost my smile.

"No." I did not want to say anymore but I could not stop myself. "Not everyone. Most of us can accept the idea of multiple dimensions. A slightly smaller number can accept that there are multiple version of us. Not all of them however, can accept the reality of meeting ourselves."

I could see that he was deep in thought. I could have stopped there, I should have stopped there. ButI did not.

I suppose I was looking for something, punishment or maybe judgement. I couldn't tell. After keeping the secrets to myself for five years, I revealed my sins.

"I... drove one to murder.. and another to suicide." With this admission, his eyes raised to stare directly into mine. I met his gaze, and continued.

"The first - who was also the first one I met - decided somehow that everyone was expandable. That he could kill anyone but they were never really dead since there were others out there. It started with his brother and he had no remorse."

I do not know what it was that made me stop then but I was grateful. He did not say anything but I knew, that he knew what I have been doing these past five years. The first was committed to an asylum. In his padded cell he cries but does not know why. He believes that those that he had killed were still alive but does not know why nobody believes him. I visit but do not meet him. He has been receiving treatment and it has slowly been having an effect on him. If he were to see me again, everything would be undone. He may be released, in time. But he would forever remain a reminder of my shame.

"The other... could not bear with it, the knowledge that he was just one of many. Dispite the fact that we were all different and the evidence that I had showed him, he threw himself off a building." Although I had observed him for a week beforehand to avoid the mistake I had made with the first, I had not expected him to cling to his individuality so strongly. To be so distraught at the thought of the existance of others like him, it was frightening. My endeavours to reassure him only drove him further away. One day, before entering the second stage of sleep, I saw in his mind the decision. The climb. The fall. The return to consciousness in a hospital bed. And the horror of surviving.

"He survived it, I saw it as he went to sleep, at the stage when his mind was storing and remembering all that had happened that day. I did not talk to him that time, I was just too shocked. And after that look into his mind, I could not contact him again."

There is nothing to serve as a memorial for him, but I won't forget. I can not allow myself to forget. I finally drop my gaze. And as I did I saw that his hands were clenched into fists. I am unconcerned for that, there was no way he could hurt me. And even if he could, I deserve far worse.

As I waited for him to pass judgement I could not help but wonder why only he had asked that question.

I do not know how long I spent waiting in silence, but I was alerted to his impending awakening.

"I have to leave, you will be waking up soon."

I had not expected him to say anything, not after so much silence. After my revelations I would not have expected anything more than a frosty 'good riddence'. So I was completely surprised at what he told me. "You can come back, anytime."

Now I was the one who was at a loss for words. No dismissial. No judgement. I smile my thanks and flashed him a gesture I had learned from watching him. A fist with a raised thumb pointed upwards.

The answering smile I received told me I got it right. And that maybe one day, I may have absolution.

I will be back. As I fade from his mind, I let my cloak fall.

If his actions are any indications, he may be able to accept the truth about me sooner than I had anticipated.

I look forward to our next meeting.